Photos and Writing

I love taking photographs. I love photographing nature and where I live there is plenty of it. I love taking 'artsy' photographs. The kind where you might find something in nature, turn the camera in a off center position, blur the focus a tad and click.

I can't take a decent picture to save my life.

I love writing. About people, places, events, my own life, essays for college. Whatever it is I love writing. It is something I do better than photography.

I am on a journey to become something I never thought I would want to be. One summer of doing PR work for a non-profit event bounced me back into college after a 5 year break. After playing around with majors and sliding into one that fits me like a glove, I have decided what I want to do for the rest of my life. I am 42.

I just started reporting. I have to take my own pictures. I strive to be better at both because I love to do both. Funny how life takes us down roads we never thought we'd be down.

Stumbling Blocks

I was 37 when I was diagnosed with cancer. It was no big deal. At least I tried to make it no big deal. I had kids at home. My biggest fear was that they were going to be 'that kid' whose mom died.

I had just ended a 10 year relationship the week before I went of to get my mammogram. I was truly alone.

I thought I would journal every step of my journey. I didn't.

I thought I would lose tons of weight from chemo. I didn't.

I bought different wigs in different styles and lengths so I could wear a different one each day. I only wore hats.

I made it through to the other side. Relationships grew, I made new friends and I found I was strong.

Once I spoke at a Relay for Life Survivors Banquet. I was sure I was going to faint from embarrassment but as I looked in the faces of my fellow survivors, I knew that we faced something that know once else would ever face. Each of our journey's are different. No two are alike.

I dealt with cancer. I know someone who struggles with alcohol addiction. Anxiety, loss of a child, death of a husband. It doesn't matter, we each face something no one else ever will. Each of our journey's are different.

How is yours different? What are you stumbling against?

A long, long time ago in a country far away...

Ok, no lie. I was born in a foreign country to American parents. I was raised in a time and a place of acceptance and a sense of universality. During that same time and place the fear of war was also over our heads. At least our parents falsified security to make us all feel better.

Security to make us all feel better. What is security? I thought security was being a mom and having kids to take care of. That security is changing this year when I will be facing living alone for the first time. I thought confidence in this world involved having a husband, a job, a nice savings account, a home with two dogs and a cat. I only have two of those seven things yet I feel secure.

All of that can be taken away. Anytime. As a writer I know that. I've seen lives destroyed, houses and years of memories go up in flames, too many young people dying too soon, businesses sink, cars crash and nature takes it toll.

What I have learned in my years is not to depend on that security. Everything can be taken away in a split second. I depend on laughter to keep my sense of humor in difficult situations, time alone to give me perspective, sleep to refresh my mind and body.

Those are the things that bring me confidence in the future. Knowing that I can always laugh, get away for a moment alone and count on sleep to bring my day to an end (well, usually). These things will never be able to be taken away from me. The money could dry up, I could end up with no friends, no job, no dogs or cats. But if I have this inner assurance. losing what the world considers necessary is no big deal.

Where is your security?